poems

Colored Glass.

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Well well well, it’s Valentine’s Day evening! I hope you all had a great day! I woke up quite late, about noon…ish. I rolled myself out of bed, took one look out the window…and almost went back to sleep. It was just a wall of white out there! The snow was flying everywhere the wind was so strong!

So after at least four cups of strong black coffee, and a scalding hot shower(I’m a sadist, I enjoy torturing myself), I ventured out into the frigid temperatures; it was about -4 or so not including the wind chill…which made it -16 and that sucked balls. The roads were not plowed and the snow was being blown all over the roads so it made it almost impossible to see even a foot beyond the hood of my car! It was so windy, I was sliding all over the road and I’m thankful there wasn’t ice. Otherwise…I probably wouldn’t be here, I’m a terrible driver even in some of the better conditions!

So, I went and visited my Granny at the nursing home she lives in; I’m glad it’s only six miles up the way. I visit her on all my days off, which happens to be four out of the seven days of the week! We sat and ate chocolate and talked for about four hours, her neighbor across the hall even came in to visit with us; a lovely lady.

I enjoy visiting my grandma, she’s the only grandparent I have left and I love her very much. When my sister and I were younger, we spent every summer at their house; and even some weekends too! She taught us how to play tennis, we would go to the pool, the park, the library! They’d take us to plays and musicals and to the ballet at the Palace Theater. Sadly her husband, my grandpa died right before Christmas this last year, and she is in stage 5 almost stage 6 of Alzheimer’s disease.

It’s…hard for me to deal with knowing that one day, she’ll forget me. My grandmother on my dad’s side, also had Alzheimer’s disease…and passed away not knowing me. I was always very close with all of my grandparents. I was very lucky.

Anyways, after spending several hours with my granny, I went and did my usual weekend chores; you know, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping. I came home this evening and promptly put on my OnePiece and started inhaling chocolates. I’m currently on my second box. Judge me. They have declared a level 2 snow emergency for tonight AND IT HASN’T. STOPPED. SNOWING. ALL. DAY.

It’s around 11:30pm right now and I’m just watching the snow blow all around outside my window here.

I want to share a poem with all of you guys that I wrote when I was in high school for a project. It’s not very…valentine-esque but hey…not everything has to coordinate.

It’s called Colored Glass.

I still find pieces of you in the back of my mind,
you’re standing there,
holding a green bottle above your head.

I’m not even sure why I always see this image of you,
I can’t even remember what the circumstance was.
It’s just there; like a still photo.

I can’t get over that,
when I remember what happened,
when I remember how you left,
everything we had said,
set in stone,
on the tip of your tongue.

We had it all,
you and I;
headed straight to the top,
but we never reached the summit.

You told me once about how,
when you were small,
you were followed by those ghosts,
those demons were closing in on you.

Just like you, I was fighting for my own freedom. But you just wouldn’t let me go.

I don’t even know where to begin, I hadn’t even known you for very long, until you crashed into my universe and created this black hole of empty;

claiming you would save me from the darkness that was clawing around the edges of my eyes.

But we ended up sharing a silence,
and it swallowed me up and spat me out all alone.

Maybe I should have known better,
you did warn me after all.

I’m afraid you taught me some good lessons.

I don’t believe in anything anymore,
I’m not dependant on the people around me anymore though, so that’s good I guess.

But don’t forget to remember my name,
because oh baby,
I’m going to come back to haunt you.

Keep your eyes open.

Well, I hope you pups liked that! I love you guys so much! I hope today was a good Valentine’s day for all of you guys! If you had a night out with your significant other, or a night in by yourself; I just hope it was lovely, because you deserve to be happy!

Alright, well I’m off to inhale the rest of this chocolate! Stay warm out there pups! Good night! xxx

There was never any new sounds.

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You know what I remember most?

The silence.

I spent years wrapped up in you, after we met on a calm summer night.

Summer breezes now remind me of your hugs, and I hate that. The late summer night we spent tucked into each other in your jeep was the first time I’ve ever let a lover see me cry. You held me soft, for the first and last time that night. It’s strange to think that it’s been almost four years now, since we met.

Sometimes I think about our last fight. We screamed so loudly at one another, you threw the weight of your passions at me, but it didn’t matter in the long run. We never listened to each other. We were like refracting magnets, always at odds. Eventually, we fell apart. Like an ancient sculpture in a flooded courtyard, the only thing we could do was leave.

We weren’t meant to stand together, I know that now. You always slept on my side of the bed, I could never get used to that. I had only ever dreamed alone, now I lie awake and wonder how I ever did.

The first time someone asked me if I missed you, I didn’t say yes. I hadn’t been lying, I didn’t miss you. I only longed for parts of you, not the whole thing.

Like, your arm. Not both, just one. The one that fit so perfectly under my neck at night. The one that coiled around my shoulder like a snake, holding me in place.

Your love was less like a hug, and more of a vice. When you held me, it felt soft. Your grip was strong, but it felt as if I could shatter if I tried to break loose.

In the end though, I didn’t shatter. I burst into an urgent flame, the heat from my chest sears off parts of you I had wanted to keep.

We loved like a heat wave; warm, but suffocating.

I hadn’t meant for our love to look like this. We turned in on ourselves like crumpled bits of paper.

There hasn’t been one part of me since, that has reallly wanted to turn around. I knew that last day, I had to leave you behind me. The last time I saw you, I knew I had made the right choice. You had turned yourself into a match head, waiting to strike yourself on a rock, just to burst out in flames like you had done when you ignited me the first time.

But I’ve long since snuffed that fire out of my veins. I am not made of fire anymore, just ashes and charred flesh.

I’ve always enjoyed the smell of gasoline in the air, like a scent to remind me to come back home.

Slowly, I had been cleaning my burned soul, cleansing the tarnished walls that still stood.

It’s been years now, since we held one another. Last night though, I thought about you. About how you had been the first person to light the match in my head, and the last one to notice I was on fire.

I used to sleep with a radio on, or a fan. But you always said that sound kept you awake. I had learned to be familiar with the quiet, now whenever I hear music in the dark, I think about you.

How you would have traced your fingers down the bend of my spine, pushing each vertebra back into my body. I had almost forgotten the sound of your voice, until I heard that crackling static from a song we had listened to for a whole summer. I’m unable to hear anything at night now. I committed your silent slumbers to memory, like a page in a memoir.

It’s not fair; we used to love loudly, like a concussion rattling our brains, everything always echoed. We spent days on end without the quiet hum of comfort.

But now, whenever I think about you, all I can remember is the silence.

Intimacy

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Intimacy; by definition, a close familiarity or friendship. A closeness.

We used to be closer than pages in an untouched encyclopedia, pressed into one another’s side so much we were a part of one another.

I remember the day we met; that memory sharp and vivid like a photograph at the front of my brain.

It’s been nearly ten years you know? We learned to march in step with one another, readying for the fight we knew would come our way one day.

And she did. She came for you, and we still weren’t prepared. When she hurled herself into your walls, I watched, as you tumbled down. A broken mass of a boy. No less of a man then when she had been a dot on the horizon line. I had heard the sirens calling, so I took shelter; but you, wanted to chase down that storm.

But when she rolled on through, you were left stuck under all the rubble of your love. I was the one who had to dig you out again.

We never really were the same after that. Now, instead of pages stuck together, we are like bookends. Always holding others up and steadying one another, but never touching.

We shared a certain closeness when we met, a quiet assurance. We knew each others minds as if they were our own. You used to be like my home, familiar and safe. Always warm and well lit. Now, I don’t remember the last time we talked.

We used to be the best of friends, people would always assume we were siblings. I had felt at one time, we could have been. I would have fought for you if I had to, but I lost that fight when you left with that weather storm of a woman.

For years afterwards, I watched you try and wash her taste from your tongue. Drowning yourself in whisky. She broke you into a billion pieces, all of them sharp.

Now, I can’t fit you back together.

A Letter To Pluto.

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So, happy Monday!

I hope you’re all staying warm and safe out there! It’s a solid sheet of ice outside for me so that’s gonna be fun!

I’m going to try and post a poem at least a few times a week here so people can keep getting a feel for my writing style I guess. Enjoy!

I wrote this one when I found out Pluto got stripped of it’s planetary status.

My dear sweet pluto, you have been shamed. stripped of all your achievements, humiliated amongst your peers. they say, you are too small, inconsequencial and unworthy. the planetary merits you were bestowed, stolen. when i was young, they taught me your name. fed me scriptures of structured words. i learned how, even though you were small, you had an atmosphere all your own. it gave me a vision of unique solidarity. they said you were last in line, the end. but i know, you were merely the final spectacle of a wonderous parade. they frowned upon how brightly you illuminated their telescope lenses. now, all we can do is marval at how even though they tried to erase you away, you never left the skies.

Happy Saturday pups!

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I hope you all had a lovely week and are having a great Saturday!

Just wanted to pop on by and update you all, and share a new poem I wrote today! I dedicate this one to my soulmate, Roger.

Dizzy.

Sometimes the world gets really loud,
Things start moving too fast,
And I can’t seem to catch my breath.

There’s a very unsure feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about all the experiences I’m missing out on.

I feel my skin start itching on the inside. I know that I can’t be here forever. I will have to go out and take the world head on someday.

But for now, it’s just us. You and me. And the world gets quiet around me and I can breath in deep. Everything stops spinning for a moment.