poem

Senses.

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Happy Sunday pups. Here’s a poem I just finished. For, Άλφα..thank you for having patience with me.

Sensory deprivation is a horrid form of torture, and I brought it upon myself. But you, you’re slowly giving me my wolf like senses back, baby. In the quiet moments before each sunset, I can hear the soft, steady beat of your heart. I’d like to think I could hear your voice in my dreams last night, slowly drifting through my brain.

I told you once of the damage my body suffered while in my adolescent lifetime, and you ran your hand along the lines I wear upon my back; the ones that silence clawed into my flesh. And I swear, in that moment I felt every bend in my spine, every knot loosened, instantly.

I had such dulled senses when it comes to touch… I would have never thought you could draw such a reaction out of my skin, yet there you were. So gentle, and patient, that even I had mistaken your breath for an autumn breeze.

Viva la Pluto.

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Happy Tuesday pups! In light of the Pluto flyby, which gave us beautiful pictures of my favourite planet!..  I’m re-releasing my ode to Pluto.

http://www.theverge.com/2015/7/14/8958079/nasa-new-horizons-pluto-color-image

image

I wrote this one when I found out Pluto got stripped of it’s planetary status.

Remember, just because you’re a dwarf planet, doesn’t mean you can’t make a big impact.

My dear sweet Pluto, you have been shamed. stripped of all your achievements, humiliated amongst your peers. they say, you are too small, inconsequential and unworthy. the planetary merits you were bestowed, stolen. when i was young, they taught me your name. fed me scriptures of structured words. i learned how, even though you were small, you had an atmosphere all your own. it gave me a vision of unique solidarity. they said you were last in line, the end. but i know, you were merely the final spectacle of a wondrous parade. they frowned upon how brightly you illuminated their telescope lenses. now, all we can do is marvel at how even though they tried to erase you away, you never left the skies.

The Wolf.

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So, happy Monday pups! I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written anything… Just been crazy busy.
But, few things, I am just getting over walking pneumonia..I’ve had it over a month… Which isn’t gone yet so I will need to go back to the doctor..despite how much I don’t want to.

Also, uhm I’ve got an interview coming up in a week or so..and ohhhh man I am NERVOUS!!

But yeah..we’re working four days a week again..and someone on first shift got a better job in New York, so he moved there..so he would be able to better support and raise his family..and I’m so happy for him!! So we’ve been busy getting a temp in.

My grandma is doing well.. She’s happy..which is great. Went to see her this weekend..she is still convinced I’m my mum.. But at least she knows me and still likes me..so I’ll take it!

Uhm, my uncle’s murder trial sentencing was a few weeks ago as well..that girl got the max of 11 years in prison.. So there’s some semblance of justice.  I would have liked to see her get life in prison but.. You win some…You lose some.

My cousin’s birthday was yesterday..she had a party…and it was fun. My sister is at a music festival right now.. Or..just came home from one..idk.

I’m doing a little proofreading, some editing and some fun writing things at the moment!

I have a blurb/poem to share with y’all. I wrote this a few years ago when I was working through some self hate issues. Everybody goes through things they’re not keen to talk about with everyone, but I’m a firm believer that if your story/struggle can inspire and help someone…you should share that and try to make the world a brighter place. So, I’m sorry for the weird format of it..but yeah…HAPPY MONDAY, PUPS.. And remember..I love you! xxx

As she stared into the eyes of the vicious beast, which now stood before her, a familiar glint of color crossed into it’s eyes. the dark beast barred it’s sharp teeth, and hissed in an all too soft, sweet voice, laced in malice; ‘i told you never come this way. go back little girl, i warned. but on you pressed. now look…all that surrounds you is darkness. nothing can protect you from me now. i own you.’ the sweet voice snarled. the little girl, trembling, and frightened, turned to run. but something held her to the spot. she shut her eyes, now burning with bitter tears, and thrashed about wildly. until suddenly, the little girl threw her eyes wide open. but the beast had vanished. in it’s place was her own image. taller, darker, older…and sadder. she looked around her. there was red everywhere. blood. she looked again at the image in front of her. the hands. her hands, she gasped, were covered in cuts… glass, and blood everywhere. she hadn’t been fighting a beast…she had fought herself. and now….she saw she lost. that little girl….never made it out of the fight alive.

Let’s go hunting together tonight.

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There’s an alpha hidden underneath those hunched shoulders,
something carnal lurking in your mind. You told me so, cautiously. But oh, how I want to see it. To feel the beast inside you, claw it’s way to the surface of your skin, just to take over your vision. Bring that monster out of you, and I will try to soothe his aches.
That polychrome glint off your eyes in the moonlight,
shows me just how clearly you see me in the dark.

I have always hidden away with my lycanthropy,
too terrified of this curse within myself to venture out into the night. Being a monster was not my greatest feature.
That was,
until you drew this beast out of me.
So soft your voice was,
when you told me of the same fear you held inside your own heart.

Last night,
I stared up at the moon,
threw my head back and howled at the top of my lungs,
hoping you were somewhere on the other side of the world,
far across the vast ocean that separates us, standing out in the darkness too.
with your eyes pointed skyward,
and your head tipped back,
howling the same,
beautiful song that is packed beneath my bones.

I have never looked for an alpha,
especially not one so far away,
but you found me. Said, we’re similar and the same. I know, we strangely fit together in a way I’m not sure I’ve known about except in old war stories.
And so maybe we’re part of the same origins, we have the same stardust coursing inside of us. The same fight, we know each other struggles, but I won’t let you give up, and you won’t let me give out.

I find comfort in your quiet authority,
the power you hold over me.
It’s not a dominating force,
just a gentle guiding hand that I can almost feel on the small of my back.

I wonder if your teeth are as sharp as I make sure mine are.
My soul wonders if you would ever tear into my flesh,
just to see if I tasted sweet. Maybe you would, maybe I’d try and taste you back. Grab a piece of you to hold in my mouth.

Part of me wants to see how far I can go,
to try and reach that prime evil center,
the one you’ve hidden away inside your chest.
I bet it’s a beautiful beast you’re hiding. So strong and unstoppable.

The weight of your secret is collapsing your chest,
even the steel strength of your resolve will crack one day.

I tell you, that you have a quiet beauty behind your eyes,
threaded fondness into the softness of your voice.

I want you to know that yes,
you are quite the alpha, and whilst I’m not looking for a mate, maybe I’m looking for a partner, an equal force in this vast, messed up world. Maybe we’re not together in any way but, I would submit my will to follow your direction if you felt you should give it. Not because that’s what I feel I should do, but because I feel I can trust you, I can feel the honesty all the way from here.
I enjoy the feeling of knowing I can give myself over to someone else who would take complete control of everything,
and I would still always be safe within that moment with them.

That is what an alpha is for,
safety and protection.
I trust you with this burden within me.

I want to follow your lead,
I want to seek guidance from you for these scars I wear. Because I know you have scars of your own, and maybe you’d know just what to do.

You never once flinched away at the horrors I presented you with,
all the tangled up lines of trauma,
I threaded into my silences.

It’s strange to think of you as someone I am close with,
even though I’ve not known you very long at all.

I was able to share my secret with you,
and not only did you understand,
but you told me that was the thing you were enthralled by.
My secret,
that monster living in my chest,
you said you have the same one,
that’s living inside of you.
They both are waiting to claw their way out of our souls,
ready to tear us to pieces.

But I know you’re prepared for a fight,
maybe if I spend enough time with you,
I’ll be ready someday too.

I told you that I would never let you feel unsafe, even though it’s not my job to protect you,
I want to make it clear that I would lay down my life to protect you from the monster that you fear may come for you.

If you ever had to run from it again,
I would give you a safe place to rest.

Right here,
in my arms I would hold you, because even though you’re the alpha,
all I want to do,
is take care of you.

That’s how we found each other. The universe placed us in the same darkness. I can keep your soul warm, if you keep me safe.

It is terribly sad that you are so far, for I wish to one day know what it is like to curl around you in the dark. Would you let me sleep next to you, if I promised to keep you warm through the winter?

The light from within the darkness.

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You laugh, like a summer breeze. Short, quiet bursts of refreshment in an otherwise still air space.

You’ve got the kind of mind I want to climb inside. I want to learn where the dips and cracks of memories become the dreamlike worlds you’ve spoken about.

I’m curious to know if being reckless was something you hoped for, or if you wanted someone to fashion themselves into a safety net beneath you. Neither seems right, at least not yet.

I imagine your hands are practiced with a pen and your mouth steady with the stillness placed on it.

You say silly things, like you don’t like wearing jeans. And I’ve never yet met someone who doesn’t like coffee, but has the same moonlight running in their blood.

Comfort is a strange thing. I found myself paying close attention to the way your mouth formed around a word today. And the careful upward curve of your smile, how strange a thing it is to be comforted by a stranger’s ability to cease becoming a stranger.

I felt connected with you, we share similar lifelines. There are places and moments we can both relate to, in much the same way.

Sleep never comes easy for me, it doesn’t come easy I’ve learned for you either. Maybe that’s because of the moonlight we carry with us. The moon never sleeps, even in the middle of the day. She’s still up, you just can’t see her.

We’re intermittently silent, but it’s never uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel dangerous.

There are things I have yet to learn of you, places I have yet to tell you about.

But us werewolves, we’re immortal baby. We’ve got all the time in the world.

So laugh for me again. That’s right, laugh. With me, for me, at me; it doesn’t matter. Just laugh, because when you do, my gosh you look so beautiful.