Author: Wolfette

The Wolf.

Wolfette, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

So, happy Monday pups! I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written anything… Just been crazy busy.
But, few things, I am just getting over walking pneumonia..I’ve had it over a month… Which isn’t gone yet so I will need to go back to the doctor..despite how much I don’t want to.

Also, uhm I’ve got an interview coming up in a week or so..and ohhhh man I am NERVOUS!!

But yeah..we’re working four days a week again..and someone on first shift got a better job in New York, so he moved there..so he would be able to better support and raise his family..and I’m so happy for him!! So we’ve been busy getting a temp in.

My grandma is doing well.. She’s happy..which is great. Went to see her this weekend..she is still convinced I’m my mum.. But at least she knows me and still likes me..so I’ll take it!

Uhm, my uncle’s murder trial sentencing was a few weeks ago as well..that girl got the max of 11 years in prison.. So there’s some semblance of justice.  I would have liked to see her get life in prison but.. You win some…You lose some.

My cousin’s birthday was yesterday..she had a party…and it was fun. My sister is at a music festival right now.. Or..just came home from one..idk.

I’m doing a little proofreading, some editing and some fun writing things at the moment!

I have a blurb/poem to share with y’all. I wrote this a few years ago when I was working through some self hate issues. Everybody goes through things they’re not keen to talk about with everyone, but I’m a firm believer that if your story/struggle can inspire and help someone…you should share that and try to make the world a brighter place. So, I’m sorry for the weird format of it..but yeah…HAPPY MONDAY, PUPS.. And remember..I love you! xxx

As she stared into the eyes of the vicious beast, which now stood before her, a familiar glint of color crossed into it’s eyes. the dark beast barred it’s sharp teeth, and hissed in an all too soft, sweet voice, laced in malice; ‘i told you never come this way. go back little girl, i warned. but on you pressed. now look…all that surrounds you is darkness. nothing can protect you from me now. i own you.’ the sweet voice snarled. the little girl, trembling, and frightened, turned to run. but something held her to the spot. she shut her eyes, now burning with bitter tears, and thrashed about wildly. until suddenly, the little girl threw her eyes wide open. but the beast had vanished. in it’s place was her own image. taller, darker, older…and sadder. she looked around her. there was red everywhere. blood. she looked again at the image in front of her. the hands. her hands, she gasped, were covered in cuts… glass, and blood everywhere. she hadn’t been fighting a beast…she had fought herself. and now….she saw she lost. that little girl….never made it out of the fight alive.

Let’s go hunting together tonight.

Wolfette, , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

There’s an alpha hidden underneath those hunched shoulders,
something carnal lurking in your mind. You told me so, cautiously. But oh, how I want to see it. To feel the beast inside you, claw it’s way to the surface of your skin, just to take over your vision. Bring that monster out of you, and I will try to soothe his aches.
That polychrome glint off your eyes in the moonlight,
shows me just how clearly you see me in the dark.

I have always hidden away with my lycanthropy,
too terrified of this curse within myself to venture out into the night. Being a monster was not my greatest feature.
That was,
until you drew this beast out of me.
So soft your voice was,
when you told me of the same fear you held inside your own heart.

Last night,
I stared up at the moon,
threw my head back and howled at the top of my lungs,
hoping you were somewhere on the other side of the world,
far across the vast ocean that separates us, standing out in the darkness too.
with your eyes pointed skyward,
and your head tipped back,
howling the same,
beautiful song that is packed beneath my bones.

I have never looked for an alpha,
especially not one so far away,
but you found me. Said, we’re similar and the same. I know, we strangely fit together in a way I’m not sure I’ve known about except in old war stories.
And so maybe we’re part of the same origins, we have the same stardust coursing inside of us. The same fight, we know each other struggles, but I won’t let you give up, and you won’t let me give out.

I find comfort in your quiet authority,
the power you hold over me.
It’s not a dominating force,
just a gentle guiding hand that I can almost feel on the small of my back.

I wonder if your teeth are as sharp as I make sure mine are.
My soul wonders if you would ever tear into my flesh,
just to see if I tasted sweet. Maybe you would, maybe I’d try and taste you back. Grab a piece of you to hold in my mouth.

Part of me wants to see how far I can go,
to try and reach that prime evil center,
the one you’ve hidden away inside your chest.
I bet it’s a beautiful beast you’re hiding. So strong and unstoppable.

The weight of your secret is collapsing your chest,
even the steel strength of your resolve will crack one day.

I tell you, that you have a quiet beauty behind your eyes,
threaded fondness into the softness of your voice.

I want you to know that yes,
you are quite the alpha, and whilst I’m not looking for a mate, maybe I’m looking for a partner, an equal force in this vast, messed up world. Maybe we’re not together in any way but, I would submit my will to follow your direction if you felt you should give it. Not because that’s what I feel I should do, but because I feel I can trust you, I can feel the honesty all the way from here.
I enjoy the feeling of knowing I can give myself over to someone else who would take complete control of everything,
and I would still always be safe within that moment with them.

That is what an alpha is for,
safety and protection.
I trust you with this burden within me.

I want to follow your lead,
I want to seek guidance from you for these scars I wear. Because I know you have scars of your own, and maybe you’d know just what to do.

You never once flinched away at the horrors I presented you with,
all the tangled up lines of trauma,
I threaded into my silences.

It’s strange to think of you as someone I am close with,
even though I’ve not known you very long at all.

I was able to share my secret with you,
and not only did you understand,
but you told me that was the thing you were enthralled by.
My secret,
that monster living in my chest,
you said you have the same one,
that’s living inside of you.
They both are waiting to claw their way out of our souls,
ready to tear us to pieces.

But I know you’re prepared for a fight,
maybe if I spend enough time with you,
I’ll be ready someday too.

I told you that I would never let you feel unsafe, even though it’s not my job to protect you,
I want to make it clear that I would lay down my life to protect you from the monster that you fear may come for you.

If you ever had to run from it again,
I would give you a safe place to rest.

Right here,
in my arms I would hold you, because even though you’re the alpha,
all I want to do,
is take care of you.

That’s how we found each other. The universe placed us in the same darkness. I can keep your soul warm, if you keep me safe.

It is terribly sad that you are so far, for I wish to one day know what it is like to curl around you in the dark. Would you let me sleep next to you, if I promised to keep you warm through the winter?

Gus and Johnnie George. They run with the wild horses now.

WolfetteLeave a comment

There’s a wind running through the trees here. It’s not that we’ve forgotten you, we remember.

I remember your tall spirit, the sturdy line of your back, each graying hair.

Someone asked me once, if I could go back to any moment in time, where would I go?

I would go back to the moment I first saw you dancing in the barn. Your tall, strong legs were carrying you across the floor effortlessly.

I miss the way you would get up early to go tend to your horses, every day you would sing and dance your way from the house, to barn, to field and back again.

When I was young, you told me, never lose the reason your heart beats.

I never understood it, until now. I live to be a writer, to share my stories and to preserve your legacy. You lived to be my grandparents, us kids made your whole world go ’round. You told us so, everyday. Once, I remember watching you two dancing, to an old song and I thought, ‘this is what happiness must feel like.’

I do miss you everyday. Four years apart, we lost each one of you. When you were both gone, something inside of me must have snapped. I remember grand moments like, making breakfast on a Saturday morning. Or watching old TV on a Sunday afternoon.

Mawmaw, you taught me how to do crossword puzzles in ink. I’ve still not yet mastered it, but if there’s one thing you passed down to me, it was fight. I won’t ever give up.

Poppy, you were the one who gave me the power of poetry. Wrote me little stanzas to keep with me, I still have them. You let me believe in the power of my own words, when I didn’t have a voice.

It’s grown so quiet now, I miss you everyday. But I know that even though you’re gone, I’ve still got you inside my veins.

🐾

Invisible ink.

WolfetteLeave a comment

You asked me to never write you down.

As an artist, pain has always been threaded into my bones. Once, you asked me why I’m so sad. I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. At least, not until now. Pain is so familiar to me that no matter where I go, what I do, whom I surround myself with, or who I become; I’m still itching to dig around inside my veins. Find something tangible that I can pull out by the roots and lay out for everyone to see it.

I want to see you written down on a page in this notebook. The one in my hands, it begs to have your name etched inside it’s small margins.

You forbade me to ever place you upon a page, so instead I’ve got you running through my veins.

You’re made of stardust and silence, things even I can’t find. But your soul is made of hard rock and white bone, I see the cracks forming now. I stitched your name inside my mouth, as to keep you from spilling out onto a page. But sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, to find your memory laid out beside me upon an empty pillow.

Pain is such a familiar feeling, that now without it, I’m so unsure. You took pieces of yourself from my life slowly. One at a time. Replacing your body, with memories.

Last night, it was so cold. The winter wind curled around me so tightly, it reminded me of you. How your love was icy water trapped inside my skin. Never will I have the courage to look back and try to find you. If I did, maybe I’d try to fight you, see how much I could take before you broke me again. But I can’t. I won’t. It’d kill me, I think. I’m too afraid to face you.

And for that, some days I’m glad I’m such a coward.

The light from within the darkness.

Wolfette, , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

You laugh, like a summer breeze. Short, quiet bursts of refreshment in an otherwise still air space.

You’ve got the kind of mind I want to climb inside. I want to learn where the dips and cracks of memories become the dreamlike worlds you’ve spoken about.

I’m curious to know if being reckless was something you hoped for, or if you wanted someone to fashion themselves into a safety net beneath you. Neither seems right, at least not yet.

I imagine your hands are practiced with a pen and your mouth steady with the stillness placed on it.

You say silly things, like you don’t like wearing jeans. And I’ve never yet met someone who doesn’t like coffee, but has the same moonlight running in their blood.

Comfort is a strange thing. I found myself paying close attention to the way your mouth formed around a word today. And the careful upward curve of your smile, how strange a thing it is to be comforted by a stranger’s ability to cease becoming a stranger.

I felt connected with you, we share similar lifelines. There are places and moments we can both relate to, in much the same way.

Sleep never comes easy for me, it doesn’t come easy I’ve learned for you either. Maybe that’s because of the moonlight we carry with us. The moon never sleeps, even in the middle of the day. She’s still up, you just can’t see her.

We’re intermittently silent, but it’s never uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel dangerous.

There are things I have yet to learn of you, places I have yet to tell you about.

But us werewolves, we’re immortal baby. We’ve got all the time in the world.

So laugh for me again. That’s right, laugh. With me, for me, at me; it doesn’t matter. Just laugh, because when you do, my gosh you look so beautiful.

I must go.

Wolfette, , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Good Saturday evening pups! Hope y’all are doing well! Just a small update, the last 24 hours have been very stressful and eventful here in the dog house! I went to bed fairly early for a weekend, but I’ve been working four 12 hour shifts recently. Granted, it is overtime, but it just wears me out!

Manufacturing can sometimes wear on the bones!

Anyways, last night at about 1 in the morning my mum woke me up. She was having chest pains, thought she was having a heart attack. So, I had to call the squad(EMS). While I was on the phone, she collapsed and was having trouble breathing. I’m glad we’re only two minutes away from an EMS out post. Once they got here, they got her down stairs and sat her in a chair. They did a field EKG, she wasn’t having a heart attack. But, she was doubled over in pain, turning a grey color and felt faint. She kept refusing the ride to the hospital, and started to feel better. When they were just about to have us sign the release form, she doubled over again. SO, I told her I’d feel better if she went in the ambulance. She spent the night in the hospital, they did a stress test and a chest x-ray. Results were inconclusive, but they are pretty sure it was just an esophageal spasm. She came home this afternoon, and she’s going to be alright.

I told my little sister what was going on, and after work she came home. (She lives two hours away.) Right now, she’s sitting on the couch next to me, doing homework! Feels like we’re kids again…I miss her now that she’s away.

Anyways, the poem! I wrote this quite some time ago. Over 10 years ago to be precise! I want to share it because I’ve been missing this place so much. I haven’t been to Sanibel Island in a few years, it’s been my families vacation destination since my grandparents were new parents! Crazy!

This year for my birthday, I am hoping to take a trip down there….and I am very excited!

Hope you enjoy!

I must go visit Florida again, 
to the sea, 
And the shoreline; 
all I ask is for a week to explore it. 
The seas salty spray, 
the waves loudly crashing, 
and the gulls 
calling.

I long to hear the winds whistle across the beach.

I must go visit Florida again, 
for the feel of the warm sun. 
It's shine is beckoning to me, 
it's call will not yield. 
All I ask is for a warm day, 
to watch the waves rolling in,
washing the footprints from the sand.

I must go visit Florida again, 
to run across the snow white sands.
Walk on the sand dunes,
underneath a southern moon. 


A vacation home on the shoreline,
a quiet place to relax without a care.

Yes, I must go visit Florida again, 
Someday, I will take you there.

If I tell him, he’ll never see anything but the scars…

Wolfette, , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

So, hey pups. Happy Sunday fun day! My mum and I went to see my granny this afternoon. She had a good day. She had a good day yesterday as well. My little sister was home for a few days as well, so she and I went to see our granny yesterday…we sat outside on the patio. My sister had her first day of her new job at a National Park today! Apparently it was great, and stressful? I don’t know…anyways..I have a poem to share with you today, I wrote it this morning…I….I wanted to write it for someone whom, I feel I owe an explanation to…and I hope they understand why the untouchable places that I have…exist.

Soft hands, aren’t as easily accessible as I wish they were; sometimes trusting people, can almost get you killed.

I remember the night those hands touched me for the first time, your fingers wrapped around the back of my neck, your arm pressing harshly into my chest. I couldn’t breath, I was unable to move, you forced your way into my world. I wasn’t even scared of you, we were friends. I trusted you, I thought you cared about me.

The air was warm that night, despite it being mid December. When you were done, and you released my throat, I took such a panicked gasp of air, you slapped me. Your knuckles collided with my cheekbone so hard, I heard a small crack. My legs couldn’t hold me upright any longer, they collapsed underneath me. You hauled me up by my forearm and threw me back into the passenger’s seat.

For years, I tried to cut your image out of my nightmares. Your poison still runs in my veins, I fear I’ll never be rid of it. There is not one person who knows the whole truth about all the unadulterated evil you placed inside of me, and I hope one day, I will be able to cleanse these wounds of your name.

Sometimes, late at night, I hear a scratching underneath my bed. I know monsters exist, but you made me one of them, and I am not afraid of you any longer. Now, what terrifies me, is one day, a good man will unzip my soul, and find these pieces; this mess I still carry around inside of me, and he will think me unclean. I have never let a good man love me, because good men, should not have to clean up after monsters.

Being alone…gets old sometimes.

Wolfette1 Comment

Being an introvert, human contact isn’t something I actively seek out. Not saying that I don’t like being around my friends or family, but there’s only so much interaction I can take before I have to leave the room and seek quiet time for myself. It’s like I have to recharge. 
Sometimes, it gets lonely, but I will always treasure my solitary time.

When i met you, I had warned you. Said, flat out, people…mostly men, scare me. I have never once been touched with soft hands, or spoken to in a calm voice.

But you,  you draped your warmth over me like a fresh, morning dew. Light, soft, calm and comforting.

I imagine your hands, crawling all over my skin, grasping strands of my hair, your arms wrapped around me.

You shared yourself with me last night, for the first time. I want to keep your secrets tucked inside my mouth, hidden underneath my tongue. I’m careful not to let you spill out of me, too afraid that I will write your name all over my blank pages.

I want you to be my secret, yet i want to claim you for my own. You’re like a treasure chest i dug up on a far away land,  i want to put you on my ship, take you far away from there. To some place safe, with me.

But I can’t,  take you away from where you are. You said to me, you have voices, demons inside your skull; trying to break you, take you down. I don’t want to pull you into the darkness I’m drowning in, but I can’t help but try to save you.

You’re the one who said you wished you could save me, take me away from here, but maybe we just need to go together. Run far away. Maybe not now,  maybe not forever, but just for a little while.

We could sit and be, just you and me. Our nightmares and demon’s would have to wait until our vacation was over. They’ll be waiting at the gate for when we get off our plane, to drag us back our separate ways.

One little moment is all i want, to sit with you and hold your hand, tell you secrets i have never told. For you make me feel I’m not so alone, i treasure my solitude, but I’m still so lonely. I’m just glad you’re only a phone call away most days. You make me feel as if i can be alone, without being lonely. You understand my need for silence,  and you respect it. But you still know when to come back.

I don’t feel sick anymore.

WolfetteLeave a comment

I caught a whiff of your old cologne today,
the scent embedded itself into the old coat I used to wear,
the one I packed away in a box,
in the back of my closet.

Memories came swirling back into my brain like a rainstorm,
the night we met,
drunken walks around the field.

The day we moved in together,
piling boxes next to our bed.

The fights we would have,
you screaming at the top of your lungs, throwing anything you could at me.

That night I locked myself in the bathroom when you came at me with a knife,
I knew then I should have left you.

The day I caught you kissing her,
underneath the sheets on the same bed.

The very last day I ever saw you,
as I placed that final box in my trunk,
you were trying so hard to make me stay.

I threw the coat in the trash today,
you stained years of my life with your poisonous love,
I can’t afford to let you get me sick again.

🐾

I used to describe you sweetly.

WolfetteLeave a comment

I used to curl up at your feet, not out of subservience, but you always said you got cold feet.

I thought that if things could be easier for you, you’d make things easier on me.
I was wrong.

The first time you hit me, there were knuckle shaped bruises on my stomach for days.

I would bind my own chest up tightly, blame the pain, the bruises, the breath, or lack there of, on that.

I molded myself into such a small shape, all jagged and angular pieces.

We never fought, or rather, I never fought back.

One night, you clasped your hand around my neck so tight, I saw white. I’d never felt so close to the stars.

There were whispers, accusations that were sewn into my skin, of horrible things you would say I had done. I carried my heartache close to my chest, cradled it, like a little child.

When you finally released me, I was able to breath again. Clean air, didn’t feel right within my lungs. It felt like poison, I wanted to scratch the blood out of my own veins.

For years, I couldn’t claim this monster inside me, I hid from it, like playing hide and seek. I would pretend I was misremembering the events, as if I wasn’t truly hurting.

Now I know, what you chose to do, wasn’t my fault. And loving myself today, isn’t a mistake.