July was the worst month of the year, everyone knew it too.

I met you in the heat of summer. Sweat pooled on our skin, as we listened to the AC unit buzz. Our hands touching each others bodies like we were made of electricity. I fell in love with you the moment I heard you say my name for the first time. You filled my soul with a passion it had never once felt. Maybe I was just lonely, and you were bored. Both of us needing something from each other, but only one of us came away fulfilled. I am still hungry, starving for something I cannot have. I watch her devour the very thing I long for.

It’s been 10 years since we met. And I remember the moment like it was yesterday. You wore a dark grey shirt, blue sweatpants. Me in a sundress. A mismatched pair we made…but we were happy. Two stars falling out of the night sky. I think of you often. I wonder what it would have been like to stay with you. If I had never told you I wanted freedom. Would we have drifted further apart or would we have found ourselves building a home together. I find myself hoping you are unhappy without me, but also never wanting you to be unhappy ever. It’s such a shameful thing to be selfish, yet when it comes to you all I want is to be selfish and keep you all to myself. Once, I told you I loved you and you said that I didn’t know how to love. You were right, even though I hate to admit it. But with you I always wanted to try. Knowing that you are loved, should be a comfort to you, but knowing I am unloved by you only fills me with sadness. I did everything you asked, anything you wanted. And yet you still chose, her.