Alright, hello pups! Happy Saturday! I hope y’all are having a good weekend, I am! It is International Poetry Day, so I feel like I should share with you a few bits and pieces I have written. Maybe.

First of all though, I’d just like to say a few things. Writing has always been a passion of mine. I’ve been writing poetry for more than 10 years now. I have never really done a lot of it like I am currently doing. It was usually just an outlet for when I was a little too stressed out with school. Eventually though, I would spend more time writing my poetry rather than doing any school work or homework. Which, ultimately caused me to barely graduate high school.

Once I was out of high school, I became very busy with “the real world”, you know getting a license, getting a job, taking care of my family, enrolling in classes at the local community college.

Little background here I guess, while I was in high school, I did not have a license….I was…sort of afraid to drive. Not entirely sure why, but I was just not into it. I took driver’s ed, but I just didn’t finish my in-car’s so by the time I got my license I was over 18 and we had just wasted a shit ton of money and time. Needless to say, I still absolutely suck at driving. Hence why I think I’m missing a wheel barring, again.

Now, since my GPA was not the highest, I was not exactly a candidate for a university unless I went to a Community College and got general education classes out of the way first. However, I didn’t really feel the pull to go to a four year university in the first place. I waited almost a year before enrolling in my first and only college course that I ever took. Math…a math class that was almost 4 levels higher than I ever took in high school. Now, you can probably figure out how I ended up in that class, I guessed on the entrance exam. I spectacularly failed that course and have never gone back. Nor truly wanted to go back.

After I finished that course, I landed a retail job at a hardware chain…not gonna name any names..but I despise the color orange now.

I lost that job, a little under a year later. My life had taken a very odd turn then. I was spending absolutely no time at home. I was out all night, all weekend and sometimes gone for several weekdays at a time. I, don’t want to discuss what I was doing. That was a different life and I would prefer it stayed in the past.

Anyways, so because life kept getting in my way, writing became not just secondary, but irrelevant. I was having way too many problems to get the time to sit down and write honest, passionate words. Which caused me to put it aside and try to focus my attention elsewhere.

Fast forward to now, I had been quite unhappy for some time. I was hiding my emotions from everyone around me, and not using any creative outlets. I would bottle things up until ultimately I would implode with emotions and take out my frustrations on myself.

But, I’m going to say around this time last year, I had started down a path of “self discovery” deciding to say yes to things I wanted to do, go places I wanted to go, and do constructive things for theraputic reasons rather than destructive things for dangerous reasons.

And I’ve learned a lot about myself, what makes me happy, what makes me upset, what makes me a lot more anxious. It had been a rough year, but after the new year, things…weirdly have gotten a lot less chaotic and easier on me. Which has been very good for my health. I had started getting very ill the past few years, and the past two, I had packed on some stress weight. Now, it’s starting to come back off and I’m starting to feel immensely better. Of course it’s a slow process, but I’m getting back on my feet.
Okay, I’m gonna quit rambling. Y’all aren’t here to hear me bitch about my pathetic life.

This poem, is one that I want to dedicate to my wonderful wolf pack, that is steadily growing day by day.

So, to my pups, whom I love very much and have taken me into their lives and into their hearts; I’m so lucky I’ve found each and every one of you. You’re all amazing for different, crazy reasons and I cannot thank you all enough for how much you have helped me become who I am.

So, Brit, Alex, Claire, Kayla, Kendra, Liz, Megan, Sammie, Sammi, Alexis, Alexa, Allie, Rainbow, Vanessa, Ashley, Ash, Ana, Ashton, Bernadette, Frankie, Jeanna, Lyndzi, Meagan, Sarah, Jeff, Austin, Jake, Josh, Janos, Brad, Joe, Clive, Keith, Boey, David, Drew, Laia, MCP, Vincent, David, Moses, Cierra, Kyle, Maria and Landon.

I love you pups, I hope you’re all staying warm and safe wherever you are in the world today! This is for you!

Everyone would always say to me,
I’d find my place in the world one day.
There would be somewhere I would fit in,
Some place I could truly be me.

There is a spot for each of us,
most of humanity has a community.
Some are small, others are large.
But each one, is filled with love.
Love of all kinds.

My dear friends, I have hoped for years to find such a spot for myself.
Never did I imagine finding one amongst such beautiful creatures though.

I have spent years wrapped in the confines of those who kept hold of me for their own enjoyment,
or for some sick fulfillment.
I was a doll passed around to those who would grab for me.
Played with, then left on the floor when something else came along.
I would never have known humans had such a capacity for love,
not until you all came along.
I was so used to being left,
so sure I would always be alone,
that when you showed up,
I started counting the days until your departure.

Now, I’m starting to know better,
people are as good inside as I had always hoped for.

I was a scared little girl,
one who never made an impact on those she came across.
Kept my voice tucked inside my throat,
never wanting to make anyone uncomfortable.
Pretending that if something were to happen, it wouldn’t change the course of anyone’s history.

When everything had calmed, I cried. Cried for my heart, cried for that little girl I used to be, cried for the ghost she had become. I just cried.

Tears that I spilled however, were not water. Instead, I would collect them on paper, and watch them run all my passionate words from the pages. Convinced nobody needed to hear about them, no one wanted to see them. Pain like this was supposed to be shameful, my scars, they were so ugly, I was sure no one else had any like them.
But one by one, each of you, have shown me secret parts of yourselves, places with scars and battle wounds, that look so much like mine.

You’re all so beautiful, and I wonder if I see you that way, maybe I’m not much different.

It’s a strange thought, to be happy among such an odd collection of souls.

But I am, each of you brings a different color of light to my previously darkened world. I want to give each of you a piece of me, even though I know it won’t ever be enough. I never have been enough for most people. There are some people who think I am too much, too messy. I would feel like a ball of yarn sitting in the bottom of a sewing basket, tangled, frayed and forgotten.

I am a small pile of sand somedays. All my sharp, glass egdes, warn away by years of such emotions rubbing against one another. Other days, I feel like a wet blanket, or a wilted flower in a jar. Not very much at all. I have nothing really spectacular to discover, or say, but sometimes I feel these big dust storms welling inside my chest. For years, I would just let those storms tear me inside out, now I feel as if I have an anchor. Something concrete really holding me here.
I had let people make meals of me, and let men make toys of me for so long, I can’t remember how to truly exist without that part of myself. I’m trying now though, I want to fashion my life into one I want to have. I want to live a life I can be proud to have. And you are helping me do that. Thank you.
Maybe some of you are new to this world I live in, some of you have been here a while. Even a few of you have made it from my old life, to my new one. If you stay, which I hope you all do, I want you to know there are pieces of me I will carve out of pieces of you. Not to copy who you are, just to mend the hole I had made within me.

If you choose to leave, just know, I would not have been the same if I had not met you. You helped me make my life finally worth living.

Alright, well that was a lot longer than I was expecting it, but I guess my heart had a lot to say. I love you pups. So much. Stay warm! xxx